My longtime Facebook friends can be divided into two groups, neither of which appreciate my recent online negativity about your president. The “give-him-a-chance” crowd loves the man and is irritated that I keep complaining. The remainder — the “you’re-depressing-me-dude” crowd — sees my posts as a steady reminder that Uncle Sam appears to have terminal cancer.
I likewise am torn between two fears. One, of becoming like the loons who for eight years repeatedly yelled about Obama being a Muslim Kenyan plotting to steal our guns and internets. Second, of being the equivalent of a German citizen from 1932 who, for many seemingly good reasons, quit speaking out and, with his entire nation, later came to deeply regret his silence.
The five of you who regularly read my columns surely feel likewise. Particularly in a week like this one, when an import tax might well deplete my supply of satire/tequila. With acknowledgement to the creative contributions of those who post things to me like, “Dammit, David, post more pet pictures” and “Catch yourself before you wreck yourself,” how’s this for a remix?:
• Yes, I’m vacuuming my cat in this video. She enjoys it. 900 hits and counting. Meows on command at the end. Small vacs and patient cats only. No dogs.
• Trump strategist Stephen Bannon attacks the media as the “opposition” and warns that it should “keep its mouth shut.”
• Check out how my cat and dog sleep curled up in a ball. They only do this in the winter!
• The very first presidential press conference is consumed by a Trump-ordered angry rant about the lie that he had larger attendance than did Obama’s 2008 inauguration. Size matters?
• Check out this beautiful sunrise view from my office window. Note the pinks on the edges.
• A Trump executive order excludes from entry (as if they were coming illegally) those already screened from the approval process of getting green cards or visas. Even caught up with someone who risked his life to translate for our soldiers in Iraq. The promised Muslim ban? ISIS is celebrating increased level of religious hatred. Nice!
• Watch this baby laughing video. So great. I’ve watched it 10 times. Isn’t that the best sound in the world? Right up there with a baby breathing while sleeping.
• More of the same ol’ BS about some great plan to be revealed for replacing Obamacare. In the meantime, goodbye to pre-existing-condition coverage, no catastrophic limits and staying on parents’ insurance till you’re 26.
• See how this kitten jumps off the ground when something startles it? Is it true dogs go to heaven but cats, at best, go to purgatory? Have you ever seen a cat feel guilty? Dogs do it all the time, so they must have a conscience. Not cats!
• A leaked draft White House order calls for studying the return of torture (AKA “enhanced interrogation”) of our enemies. Our “Christian nation” turning the other cheek? As the bumper sticker asks: “Who Would Jesus Torture?”
• Is your house shaking too? One heck of a rocket SpaceX is testing tonight! The sweet rumble of high-tech, good-paying jobs! But glad we don’t live any closer.
• Funding cuts coming for Violence Against Women prevention programs, NEA, PBS, birth control, EPA toxic waste cleanup and climate-change research.
• So gravity waves are apparently what are lighting up Venus’ atmosphere. Not those gravitational waves that were discovered. This is something else, but both are cool!
• Speaking in front of the CIA memorial wall to fallen staff, President Trump brings along a team with him to give the false impression CIA staff are wildly cheering his comments. He then falsely blames the media for his spats with the agency and brags on himself extensively. Narcissist-in-chief?
• Apparently iPhone 8 is not going to be able to charge from across the room after all. But might have a screen that entirely covers the front.
• There are no facts to back the claim, yet Trump says 3 million to 5 million people illegally voted against him . . . an expected excuse to make it harder to vote.
• Did you drive by that house that Chip and Joanna just renovated? So glad the gap in the foundation did not turn out to be from a sinkhole after all. When are they re-opening the Elite?
• Trump replaces a general and the director of National Intelligence on the National Security Council with his son-in-law and with a white supremacist. We’re doomed.
• Got to love those Lady Bears! #2 in NCAA women’s basketball! Aren’t the Men Bears #2 also? That new football coach is really recruiting well.
• A foreign enemy hijacks our presidential election for its BFF. From Russia with love. Hope NATO doesn’t intercept the naughty text messages.
OK, feel 50 percent better? Oh. No more than 25 percent worse? Oops. Well, then, in closing I’ll say #notnormal. Sad!
David Schleicher is a locally based attorney who blogs at TheContranym.com.