Sunday, December 07, 2008
That last light of the day, when the beautiful ball of golden fire beneath the western horizon burns that magic shine on the world, is some of God's ultimate eye candy.
But viewed from a tall treestand in game country, it may very well be one of the most gorgeous moments in life.
Now, add to this inspiring setting, that same special light glimmering upon the flowing blond locks of a svelte young woman next to me. I am here to tell you that I am not sure I can control myself.
The final stimulating ingredient putting the whole deal over the top would be a bow and arrow in her hands. To this, I simply must look to the heavens and pray. Truly, I am not worthy.
This is how I know conclusively that God must love me madly, for I get to repeat this dream numerous times each fall and winter as the humble guide, servant/vidcam dude for the world's sexiest bowhunter: Mrs. Backstrap, my gorgeous wife, the queen of the forest, Shemane.
I'm lucky I can hold the camera steady and find the record button without falling out of the tree. Trouper that I am, I take a deep breath, review my responsibilities for our "Spirit of the Wild" TV show on Outdoor Channel, and do my best capturing it on video for the world to see. World, you owe me.
Fair game
Shemane has become one of the most professional, dedicated, deadly bowhunters I know.
She puts her heart and soul into learning all there is about wildlife, conservation and, ultimately, about the healthiest lifestyle and diet available to mankind.
As a hands-on environmentalist, she knows that killing deer is the perfect thing to do, and she is really good at it.
Having never touched a bow or gun in her life prior to our meeting back in 1988, she was nonetheless a gung-ho athlete and one smart cookie. She'd won medals and awards in swimming and ATV racing.
Though raised as a city kid, her love of the outdoors, boating, skiing, hiking and off-roading proved nearly as strong as her love for shopping and fashion.
It turned out that she was on a collision course with the last of the Mohicans, a strange character, some say a dangerous man from another time and place, the WhackMaster, the MotorCity MadMan, Uncle Ted, Rev. Theodocious Atrocious, LoudMan, Captain Backstrap.
Exercising his kindest manners, he would sweep her off her feet — some say she simply felt sorry for me — and lead her down the glorious path to spiritual redemption via the mystical flight of the arrow.
Say hallelujah.
Maybe Mrs. N wouldn't characterize the whole ordeal exactly like that. But once the initial shock wore off she indeed plunged full tilt into the world of bow hunting.
Baptized on a youth recurve bow, at a short-range 15 feet from a large Olympic-type bale target, she grasped killer archery form in a mere few minutes.
She now brings home the bacon nearly every time she hunts. She mentors kids and other women into the soul-cleansing outdoor lifestyle, and I am in love with her more now than ever.
She is doing God's work with the bow and arrow, and I thank Him every day for bringing my best hunting buddy into my life.
Ted Nugent is a Waco-based musician and television show host. Contact him directly at tednugent.com.
