The ubiquity of Christmas music, where centuries of tradition aren’t enough to smother the spawning of new songs every year, meant that it was just a matter of time before all-Christmas radio stations and Spotify streams.
Movies came next, with new Christmas movies churned out on a regular basis to supply the second major film-going season of the movie year and creating the perennial question, Is “Die Hard” a Christmas classic?
This year, it seems the Hallmark Channel making its case of a Christmas video channel with all sorts of made-for-television heart-warming programming. It’s not the 12 days of Christmas 24-7 yet, but the channel seems to think there’s an appreciable audience for its girl-meets-boy, girl-loses-boy, girl-gets-boy-or-something-better-by-Christmas-Eve stories.
That plot formula may prove more evergreen than natural Christmas trees and should an all-Christmas cable channel deliver enough viewers for advertisers, we could expect demand for original seasonal programming to rise.
If necessity is the mother of invention and imitation the truest form of flattery and ratings success, we shouldn’t be surprised if enterprising scriptwriters mine other cable channels for new scenes with Santa. Here are some suggestions:
“Sharknado 7: Reindeer Hell,” Syfy Channel
Santa and his sleigh are cruising south one Christmas Eve when he runs into a freak winter storm that creates Sharknado conditions, spelling trouble for Santa’s reindeer.
“Game of Thrones: White Walkers, Red Yule,” HBO
Eager to eliminate the threat of the White Walkers to Westeros, Daenerys Targaryen marshals her dragons and Dothraki for a campaign against the Land of Always Winter ruled by the Claus, the King of the North, with his flying reindeer and miniature minions.
“The Flying Dead,” AMC
Puzzled by the lack of letters from the South for several years, Santa flies to investigate, only to find his sleigh under attack by zombies when he lands. He narrowly escapes and returns home, unaware that a stowaway elf has been bitten and is about to turn Santa’s Workshop into a slaughterhouse.
“Stranger Than Christmas Things,” Netflix
Unsettled by Christmas tree lights that keep spelling out “S-A-N-T-A,” Will Byers and his friends discover their Christmas presents are portals into the Upside Down where Santa is trapped by a demogorgon.
“Santa’s Fixer Upper,” HGTV
Santa Claus hires Chip and Joanna to redo the Clauses’ North Pole home as an anniversary surprise for Mrs. Claus. His good intentions have unexpected consequences when Chip’s Demo Day removal of living room shiplap uncovers scores of plates of uneaten Christmas cookies behind a wall while Mrs. Claus’ new white, open-concept kitchen and its outside view makes her snowblind.
“A Kardashian Christmas,” E!
Nope. There are some places Santa won’t go.