Home > Wendy Does Waco > Archives > 2009 > June > 12 > Entry
Alas, poor Wendy …
Alas, poor Wendy! I knew her, Horatio: a lass of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy …
I hope the Bard doesn’t mind me taking liberties with his words. They just seemed so appropriate.
One day, I’m going to do something stupid which will cause my demise and when that happens I hope you will bury me in Oakwood Cemetery with an epitaph something like, “Here she lies, a living comedy of errors.”
Let me ‘splain. I went out Tuesday evening to some farmish area around Elm Mott to help my friend Jackie feed and care for some horses and then go for a hike. She has this awesome arrangement with these two sisters. They let her board her horse, Penny, and Jackie, in turn, helps take care of their animals and do chores and what-not.
Jackie invited me because I had made a facebook status statement about wanting to bushwhack through a rainforest. She figured hiking through overgrown Texas brush is about as close as I could get to slicing through paleolithic palm fronds with a machete.
So I went and discovered a few things. 1) The area around horses smells really bad, 2)The fly spray we used on the horses smells even worse, 3) Redheaded horses love me, 4) Central Texas wild areas are gorgeous, 5) I’m allergic to nature and should probably not ever make plans to bushwhack anything.
Tuesday night, I showered until I no longer smelled like horse. Apparently that wasn’t enough. I continued itching all over until it reached its red, splotchy crescendo Thursday afternoon.
As fate would have it, I actually had a single Aveeno oatmeal bath treatment at home. I sunk into the breakfast-like waters after dosing up on Benadryl. I woke up maybe an hour later, sitting in cold oatmeal and with a raging backache due to my strange tub sleep position.
Today, I’m suffering massive lower back pain. But I don’t itch anymore. Glass half full? Half empty? I have no idea, at this point I have hurled the glass at the wall and watched it shatter into a million pieces. (Pieces I will undoubtedly step on later)
I’ve decided I’m God’s own little jester. He always gives me just enough rope to hang on and then get my feet tangled up in and trip over. I’m just glad I could be of service.
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Comments
By Fred
June 12, 2009 7:03 PM | Link to this | Report comment abuse
Hey Wendy? Tells us how all the young, sharp minds of WISD did on the TAKS test? Give us a reflection on the future leaders of Slaughterhouse Waco? Give us the truth my dear Wendy?
By mark
June 12, 2009 11:49 PM | Link to this | Report comment abuse
I think I’m gonna puke. I’d just like to remind readers to google uckredsanidiot. Wen, my epitaph is gonna read “thought you were funny, didn’t ya smarty?”. If it doesn’t, I’ll be mad as hell. I understand about waking up in cold oatmeal with a raging something, I think El Diablo has pictures of me, oh, nevermind about that… Back to the blog, I think that a rash and a sore back are two of the things I remember most about one night in… oh, here we go again… I guess I just don’t have much to share here that is suitable for human consumption. My advice is to stay indoors and drink hypoallergenic beverages (yeast based are especially good). Oh, and get back out there and visit the horses and outdoors. I’m a big believer in confronting your allergens. Mine are beer and El Diablo. It seems that the more I’m exposed to them and vice versa the better we get along. Wow. I have no idea where I’m going with this. Happy hot a* weekend in Texas!
By Fred
June 13, 2009 5:04 AM | Link to this | Report comment abuse
Mark: Asprin is great for hang-overs. And you’ll feel much better…..”after” you puke. Try to “lay-off” the sauce until your body and brain can fully recover.
By El Diablo
June 13, 2009 2:00 PM | Link to this | Report comment abuse
My dear uck red,
I see you got early release for good behavior. Glad to have you back.
Wendy, if your 70 inches of notes lasts more than 4 hours, call a doctor…and Mark.
And not in that order.
By mark
June 13, 2009 8:41 PM | Link to this | Report comment abuse
Fred, I’d try what you suggest but I’m afraid that I might end up like you! Welcome back, and behave yourself… as best you can. I’ll try to do the same.
By Stephanie
June 13, 2009 10:08 PM | Link to this | Report comment abuse
Oh. My. Goodness. The minute the front page loaded for the waco trib, I read your title for this blog post and you had me at Alas, poor Wendy. My husband will attest to the fact that I say Alas, poor Yorick several times a week. (Yes, I am just that off) My husband has a motorcycle shop and attends a lot of rallies and bike events, so has accumulated a large number of T-Shirts with skulls on them. So when he where’s them, “Alas, poor Yorick” just seems to be a natural thing for me to say.
By El Diablo
June 14, 2009 3:20 PM | Link to this | Report comment abuse
Stephanie, if you weren’t married…and I was heterosexual…I’d come after you!
You too, uck red.
By Cecil 1
June 15, 2009 9:08 AM | Link to this | Report comment abuse
Not a whole lot being said about the TAKS, but this one item, the little darlings didn’t do so good.. Does that suprise you Fred.. hmmmmmmmmmmm
By El Diablo
June 15, 2009 12:15 PM | Link to this | Report comment abuse
The TAKS and No Child Left Behind were good ideas that got screwed up by politicians. Low standards on one hand and unreachable goals on the other.
Teachers have to do so much crap to meet political mandates that there’s not much left for creativity, planning and teaching.
There’s got to be a standard by which all students are measured, but these two disasters ain’t the answer. Didn’t Bush have a hand in both TAKS and NCLB? Hmmmmm.
By mec
June 15, 2009 1:26 PM | Link to this | Report comment abuse
Note for future outdooor adventures:
Chiggers are the larval form of thrombicula Alfred Bergessi;
Ticks: The big old cattle ticks are fairly harmless compared to deer ticks that carry Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. If you pull them out, sometimes the head stays in and festers;
Poison Oak has three gently scalloped leaves in palmate form. It is not, NOT good toilet paper;
Bull Nettle tends to grow near river courses but in relatively dry soil. Its effects are immediate and profound.