Home > Black Sheep Betty > Archives > 2009 > January > 28 > Entry
Drowning in relationship books … Can’t Breath!
What is it with divorce and the inevitable flow of “relationship” books that follow. I’m seriously about to take a big bag full of these things to the nearest used bookstore. And I feel guilty for doing that, because someone else might read them. Now I’ve contributed to the sickness.
I’ve said many times that what’s important in any relationship is being honest. Has it worked so great for me? Not yet. But at least I can sleep in peace at night, knowing I haven’t misled anyone or played games with someone’s heart. And as I’ve recently stated, being single certainly has its benefits.
I got “Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons” for Christmas. It’s the guy from E-Harmony’s book. It’s premise is that you need to have EVERYTHING in common with the person you spend forever with. That this is the only way to have lasting happiness. (Bull!) I totally disagree. While it is good to have certain interests and similar morals, there can be too much of a good thing. And when it comes down to making a relationship or marriage work, it’s about compromise, trust and commitment. Commitment being the closer.
Compromise and trust went out the window in my past marriage very quickly. Commitment is what kept it together for ten years. What made it fail? Well, that’s noneya beeswax. (>:
Then there’s the book all these women are raving about called “Why Men Marry Bi*es.” I scoped it out and was pretty disgusted. It was all about games. If he calls, make sure you don’t always answer. Don’t be too nice. Men only want independent, strong women who let them know they aren’t needed. Then they’ll put that ring on your finger.
Well, excuse me, but if you’re independent and strong, great for you! ( I like to think that describes me.) But if you aren’t, pretending to be in order to shackle some guy into marriage isn’t going to help anyone. You’re living a lie, and it’s bound to come back to bite you in the butt.
So, what’s the answer? Well, for one, what’s wrong with not being married? I’m not saying that I would never go there again, but why work for it? Ugh! I don’t EVER want to sit in divorce court again. That was ZERO fun and very humbling. And if you do want to be in a relationship, it should NEVER be based on games. Playing games is dishonest. I refuse to do it - even if it’s to my own disadvantage. Being true to myself and my morals is more important than winning some invisible game.
What’s really winning is being the very best YOU that you can be. It is truly better to be hated for who you ARE than loved for who you are NOT.
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By KDF
January 28, 2009 7:25 PM | Link to this | Report comment abuse
I have never met you, BSB, but your blogs seem to smell of the word commitment when you talk about relationships. Seems like you often fall hard for someone you just met and you don’t even know who he is. One day, a few years ago I told God I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but something ain’t right. I just gave it to God; then boom!, after a year, out of the blue my old high school sweetheart and I were put together as only God can do. I waited, yes waited on His miracle and it happened. <><
By Black Sheep Betty
January 29, 2009 8:57 AM | Link to this | Report comment abuse
Yes, over this past year I made the mistake of wanting commitment. But I am WAY over that! Trust me! Lol. I am really enjoying being single. And that’s surprising me as much as everyone else I think. I love my freedom. And I love dating. I see no reason to mess up the good thing I have going for me. … But your powers of discernment are disarming, KDF. (>: You always give me great feedback, and I really do appreciate it. God bless you.