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MORE ON NARCISSISM
Hi Bloggers, My wife and I just spent several wonderful days being very involved with our children and grandchildren so I put my blog on the back burner while enjoying their company. I will now return to some of the questions and comments to my blog site about the narcissistic person who enjoys the mantra, ‘THE JOYS OF BEING ME.” Fred and Mikey seem to fall into this category.
Like many things in life, narcissism in mild to moderate doses is a good thing. Self respect and self love is intertwined with healthy self-esteem. Many famous authors discuss the value of self love including psychoanalyst Erich Fromm in his classic book THE ART OF LOVING.
As narcissism becomes more pronounced it tends to become more malignant. Changing a malignant narcissist is very difficult for two reasons: They don’t think the have a problem (lack of insight) and therefore they don’t think they need to change (lack of motivation).
Living with a narcissist often requires a partner who is very secure and mentally healthy themselves and/or very motivated to live with the narcissist for something the narcissist can provide to the partner, i.e. money, status, power, security. Partnering with a narcissist in hope of changing them is a bad idea. The ego of the malignant narcissist must be constantly stroked and the partner must make a life long job of caring for the voracious appetite or the narcissist’s ego. The partner of the narcissist must give his or her partner love without keeping score. Narcissists have trouble with criticism and therefore the partner must be very careful in providing any sort of negative feedback to the narcissist. When you need to express displeasure or unhappiness to the narcissist it needs to be done in a very non-judgmental manner, simply observing what you think or feel without referencing the narcissist. Mildly narcissistic partners can and sometimes will eventually modify his or her behavior but often without admitting fault or the need to change. These are a few brief comments on loving and living with the narcissist. When I had an office psychotherapy practice, I often saw partners/employees/ co-workers and others wanting to know how to live with a narcissist. The goal was rarely to engage the narcissist in therapy but rather to help the person who was choosing to live or work with the narcissist. When I did see a narcissist, I recall more than once giving them literature to read on narcissism or pointing out to the narcissist my interpretation of his or her problems only to be “fired” by the patient.
As far as the student exhibiting narcissistic behavior, remember that self-centeredness and narcissism is a hallmark of adolescence. Something to be expected and hopefully “outgrown” in the malignant form.
I would like to hear stories from bloggers on your experiences in living with or working with narcissistic people. Did you make it work and if so how did you so it? If you decided to throw in the towel on the relationship what was the “deal breaker” or straw that broke the camels back for you?
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By mikey
April 14, 2008 4:37 PM | Link to this | Report comment abuse
Yep,Yep,Yep, I love me thats for sure, and my wife and family love me, and I love them and a couple of other great love’s, “GOD and MY COUNTRY!” other than that not much other love to go around. Damn sure none for Baylor or the City of Waco. Oh I love my brother Fred too.
By Fred
April 15, 2008 2:59 AM | Link to this | Report comment abuse
Narrcissism has such a negitive implied meaning. What is wrong with loving yourself? I just happen to be the best guy I know. I don’t exactly gaze into pond reflections (not too often anyway). Give the perfect ones a break Hap?
By Julie
January 11, 2009 2:33 AM | Link to this | Report comment abuse
Living with a Narcissist is one of the most soul destoying experiences I could have unconsciously chosen for myself. However, I have grown from the pain and confusion to a strong self belief and final knowledge that I’m not nearly as helpless and useless as I thought I was. My N husband is moving out and I feel free, strong and blessed.