Not that CIA, mind you. Longtime Waco chef Mike Osborne is in New York, where's he's enrolled in The Culinary Institute of America. He'll share tidbits of food lore, recipes galore, the inside scoop on couscous and general observations about life as he knows it.

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Friday March 26, 2010
 

I drink, threefour eye yam

By Mike Osborne

The passage of the historic health-care bill has given everybody a reason to drink — Democrats want to celebrate, Republicans need to commiserate. At any rate, and regardless of your party affiliation, I can't think of a more appropriate time to throw a cocktail party. That's one idea that could unite us all. When is the last time you went to a real live cocktail party? They were all the rage back in the 50's and early 60's when I wasn't yet street legal. Now that I'm in my 50's and early 60's the thought of a soigne grand soiree has real appeal. Let's talk about what I'm not talking about first, and then we'll lay down some ground rules.

When I say "Cocktail Party," I don't mean one of those hell-out, knee-walking, snot-slinging, commode-hugging, induced vomitus, beer-bonging, drinking game playing, waking up somewhere strange with a moral hangover kind of shindig that the less sophisticated younger crowd seems to prefer — especially when the 21st birthday arrives. I'm not even considering the kind of Mardi Gras, marathon party down, sort of bad behavior where you mysteriously find yourself face down in a Bourbon Street gutter. It's seven a.m. and as you open your right eye, you realize you're staring into the maw of a mostly empty hurricane glass. There's a bee buzzing around inside of it getting drunk off the lingering fumes of the ungodly concoction or perhaps it's your own bad breath. Occasionally the bee lights on your eyelid which is what prompted you to regain your wits in the first place. As you emerge from the brain fog into bleary eyed wakefulness you discover that you are clad only in a pair of underwear, which would be marginally okay, except they're not your underwear and you've got them on backwards. If this scenario sounds familiar you've probably been to college, New Orleans, or maybe even both. You might have had an experience worth remembering if only you could remember. Nope — not talking about that at all. Been there, done that, and learned my lesson several hundred times.

At my stage of the game the term, "Cocktail Party," conjures a more elegant vision. It is orchestrated, controlled, and of limited duration. The guests are properly attired. Women look great in cocktail dresses and pearls. In fact, I don't think it gets much sexier. Guys — maybe you should let your significant other pick your outfit. The tone of the evening is not necessarily mild, but certainly not wild. Rap music is out. Though the right musical choices play an instrumental role, anything loud is a no-no because you want your guests to be able to converse without having to adjust a hearing aid or resorting to yelling. Think Sinatra, Rat-Pack, Nina Simone, Edith Piaf, Coltrane not Soul Train, Nat King Cole not Country Joe — you get the drift — soft, elegant, mood setting; a carefully chosen white noise backdrop that enhances the ambiance. Consider the lighting too — softer dimmer is the ticket. And it's more flattering.

Here are some nuts and bolts, ground rules if you will. Pick the time slot and stick to it (pick it and stick it for short). Six to eight is great, or seven to nine is fine. Send cool invitations. No beer. No wine unless it's part of a cocktail. It is after all a cocktail party, not a beer bust or a wine tasting. Serve real drinks with cocktail napkins. Offer a few non-alcoholic beverages, but make them special — no run of the mill stuff. Walking around a cocktail party with a can of Diet Coke in your paw is tres ticky-tacky. I say pick four or five house cocktails, and then offer a narrow selection of spirits straight, with normal mixers, or water. Give your guests small bites of good things to eat — this is mooncho importantay. YOU DON'T WANT ANYBODY GETTING HAMMERED. Food helps in that department, and you'll have a chance to show off your kitchen skills.

How to pick a date? You can't beat a Friday.

How many guests? Invite at least a dozen, but I think 25 has a nice ring to it.

Who to invite? You want lively and engaging conversational repartee but no potential fist fights, so bear this in mind as you address the invites. I like diversity in my crowd. Try to break free of the same old same old. It wouldn't kill you to welcome some new folks with different ideas than what you're used to. Shoot for an interesting mix, but if you just can't think of anybody new then go ahead and invite the same old same old. Maybe the booze will make them seem more interesting.

What to serve? Here are my picks:

  • Margarita — made one at a time, not frozen, served "up" in a martini glass
  • Manhattan — a classic
  • Mojito — only if you have tons of fresh mint and really good rum
  • Martini — gin and vodka
  • Ozmopolitan — secret recipe I'll be glad to share
  • Campari and orange with soda

Remember that the right garnish really makes a cocktail special.

What should you feed 'em? Finger foods — definitely not dinner. You want to make sure the guests know this so they won't hang around until 3:00 A.M. You want to shoo the troops out the door in time to go out for a real dinner.

Here are some suggestions: Marinated olives, my homemade pimiento cheese canapes, spiced pecans, smoked salmon on cucumber, gougeres, boiled shrimp with cocktail sauce, meatballs, all stuff you can eat in a bite — no plates, just napkins. Nachos would be great if you made them right. If you have 25 people coming you'll need six or seven different edible items. Men will consume about 10 bites, women around six.

I almost forgot a cardinal rule. NO KIDS ALLOWED.

Libation consumed moderately in a convivial setting loosens the tongue, lessens inhibitions, and lubricates the libido. The classic cocktail party is an ideal setting for adults to act like themselves, generate some chuckles, get to know someone new, flirt, flit, and float. It's sophistication superseding the debauchery of wasted youth, and you'll live to tell about it and remember everything you did and said.

Share some of your experiences. Did you ever throw a theme type cocktail party? Want to report a memorable party foul? Share a drink recipe? Munchy item?

Here's a toast to you, bottoms up, cheers, slavarmitch, etc. and as we say in the bidness — chow!

 

 
 
 

 
 

Apr. 22, 2010, 8:58PM

(Report Comment)

Hurrah for the left coast and those of us who sampled the culture, cuisine and lifestyles. Well, now a resident of the right coast and cocktail parties are happening here. They are called fund raisers for all kinds of causes. Sad note, beer is served. I am a pushover for a manhattan or a gin martini and of course la senora is ready for a cosmopolitan. We discovered Tea Forte last summer and use the tea to infuse gin or vodka for cocktails oh my! A lemon grass infused gin with a splash of tonic goes well with a Ritz with butter or buffalo. ciao for now OZ. I need a drink.

 

Apr. 01, 2010, 10:32AM

(Report Comment)

Just a note on roasting peppers. Fire up the grill for best results. You want to blister and blacken the skin. Once the blackening is even place the peppers in a big baggie and allow them to steam until they're cool enough to handle. The skin will peel away pretty easily just using your fingers, but gentle scraping with the side of a spoon will remove tougher bits. Trim away the stem and scrape away the seeds and white membranes. Chop the peppers according to recipe instructions. This method works well on virtually any type of chili pepper. Try it with jalapenos and poblanos as well as sweeter varieties. Resist the urge to rinse the peppers once the skin is removed or you'll wash away the smoky roasted flavor. You can also do this stovetop but only if it is a gas appliance. Put a cooling rack over the burner, turn it on high, and start blistering. I have also used a propane torch. If your stove is electric you can do it under the broiler. Still, I like the flavor you get when you cook over wood charcoal.

 

Apr. 01, 2010, 9:03AM

(Report Comment)

OMG that recipe looks good. my life is complete. much grass...

 

Mar. 31, 2010, 9:25AM

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I'm of the opinion that cocktail party finger foods should be salty/fatty and no bigger than two bites at the most. You don't want to mess with forks and plates--hence the necessity of those clever little square cocktail napkins.

The tasty morsels you serve will complement the cocktails you pour so don't worry about the perceived healthiness. Splurge--you don't eat like that every day.

You'll find that a food processor makes short work of the pimiento cheese recipe and a piping bag will make the canapes irresistable.

Start with one of those skinny loaves of Pepperidge farm party bread. Cut off the crusts and slice stacks of bread into quarters. Alternatively you could use different shape cookie cutters to cut out the bread bases. Brush the bread with melted butter and toast in a 350 oven until crisp and golden.

Here's the cheese part:

1/2 lb. aged sharp cheddar

1/2 lb. Irish white cheddar

4 oz. cream cheese

4 oz. mayonnaise

pinch of sugar

pinch of cayenne

dash of tabasco

salt and pepper

Shred the cheese and then combine the ingredients in the food processor until smooth.

3 fire roasted red bell peppers--stemmed, peeled and seeded--cut into 1/8-inch dice.

1 jalapeno--seeded and minced

Fold the peppers into the cheese.

This will keep in the fridge for a week or more but should be served at room temp.

To assemble: Use a piping bag with a big enough star tip to allow the cheese to pass easily. Pipe about a tablespoon in the center of each bread piece.

Now if I hear of any of you substituting low fat cream cheese or, god forbid, Miracle Whip, I have a whip of my own for you. Chow!

 

Mar. 30, 2010, 7:55PM

(Report Comment)

You know, cocktail party finger food ought to be fatty, salty, and no more than one or two bites. Finger food, by definition means you pick it up and eat it with your fingers--no fork--no plate. That's why those cute little square cocktail napkins are such a necessity. As to the fat and salt content--don't sweat it. you won't eat that kind of stuff every day and it won't kill you to splurge every now and then. Fatty/salty goes very nicely with the beverages you'll be pouring for your guests. Allright, allright already. Here's how to make that danged pimiento cheese canape. For starters get one of those skinny loaves of Pepperidge Farm bread--the kind that's already sliced thin. Trim the crusts and quarter the slices, brush with melted butter, put 'em on a sheet pan and bake at 350 until they're crisp and golden--10 to 12 minutes. Alternatively, you could use a fluted edge or clover leaf cookie cutter to make the bread more visually appealing. A food processor makes the cheese part come together really quickly. 1/2 # aged sharp cheddar 1/2 # Irish white cheddar 4 oz cream cheese 4 oz mayonnaise pinch of sugar pinch of cayenne several dashes tabasco 1/4t black pepper Grate the cheeses and then combine all this stuff in the food processor. transfer to a mixing bowl. Fire roast three red bell peppers. Remove the charred skins and get rid of the stems, seeds, and pits. Cut the peppers into 1/4-inch dice. Fold them into the cheese. Seed a fresh jalapeno and then mince it. Fold that in, too. The cheese will hold in the fridge for a week or so, but you should serve it at room temp. To assemble, use a piping bag with a fairly large tip (big enough so the pepper dice won't clog it) and pipe a tablespoon of cheese onto the bread base, This stuff has a high yum factor. Now if I hear tell that any of you make this with no fat mayo or Miracle whip, I'm coming after you with a whip of my own.

 

Mar. 30, 2010, 1:33PM

(Report Comment)

First on the list (if your in town) You and Carrie. If you give out the pimiento recipe, I want it as well.

 

Mar. 30, 2010, 9:42AM

(Report Comment)

oh oh. please for your pimiento cheese canapes...

 

Mar. 29, 2010, 4:40PM

(Report Comment)

Hey Kyle--throw that party, man! I'm happy to share any recipes. Think I could wrangle an invite?

 

Mar. 29, 2010, 10:20AM

(Report Comment)

That brought back some NOLA memories. At least my wife was not as bad off as I was and got me off the street (literaly)and in a cab and back to our room. Beware of the drink makers at the Court of two sisters, Bourbon street side. Great idea!! I am going to do this cocktail party thing.

 

Mar. 28, 2010, 9:30PM

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Wild Red--kinda reminds me of the early days of CB radio--I took the advice of the disciple and opted not to ride that spinning wheel, but it just keeps turning anyhow. I have three words for you: Red Rooster Menudo.

 

Mar. 28, 2010, 8:48PM

(Report Comment)

De Nada!..And always remember the famous words of the Unknown Disciple of Guitar Sam..as he stared upward,spellbound by the sight of an overcrowded but broken down ferris wheel..while simultaneously removing the lint from his naval with his index finger...."I don't think I wanna ride THAT ride!"

 

Mar. 28, 2010, 8:18PM

(Report Comment)

Whew!!! Thanks, Wild Red. Now I can write again.

 

Mar. 28, 2010, 7:57PM

(Report Comment)

non-slavarmitch!!

 

Mar. 26, 2010, 12:35PM

(Report Comment)

I'll drink to that!

 
 






 

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